bunch of nonsense

i think, therefore I am (an RN)

old letters Pebrero 6, 2007

Filed under: my immortal life,tear jerker — nixinne @ 10:08 umaga

damn, i remember this…from someone i thought i loved before

You are a big coward.Youve just shattered all my dreams and hopes.And to do it all through e-mail?You have no idea how much I love you,and still up to now you dont know what you mean to me.What is it?another man?That I can understand.But the fact that youre breaking up with me because I am who I am?I dont believe that.Dont tell me no lies.Be true to me.I blame myself for losing you.I had dreams for us in a home with more kids.How much im missing you and how hard it is not to have you here.By reading your e-mail,I thought I was going to die.This is too much for me.Youve just taken my heart and stepped all over it.But if that is how you feel,whats left for me to do?I hate You for this.And im sure the whole family will blame me for this.Why things like this always happen to me?I guess im just not too good with emotions.I keep too much to myself rather than go all out.This maybe the reason why.I cant finish this letter,i dont know whatelse to say.Im emotionally disturbed,I cant sleep.The thought of you being gone,all these pictures of us surrounding me.I feel like a part of me just died.

and another one…this one hated me so much!

hey Kumusta na kayo,
I know this is lame, but i swear to god this is the exact last time i will
send u peepz, anything with details like these.
First and foremost, i wasn’t wrong at all, I kept all the things i hoped
for and the dreams that i try to follow, since me and Grace broke up, i kept
em’ all, and i hoped to god it will happen, and Its not a mistake, and its
wasn’t, i still loved you, and theres nothing wrong with still hoping, I
didn’t care how much it hurt, but deep down on my soul i was afraid of not
loving you anymore, so i kept my hope alive..
Since the day of May 29, i lived my life methodically. of course, it was
pretty basic and normal, even though your gone by my side, i still laughed
cryed, woke up, sleept like any regular human being alive would do.

Everybody that was always real and down with me, still rode with me, and
you werent there anymore Grace, everywhere i look everywhere i go, from
Greenwich to Norwalk, to NY to Bridgeport, places to places, Echos house to
Lazs house, to the birth of our first kiss at Corpuz’s house, all the places
we been through in the past, I went back there, Grace, without you this time,

I’m not blaming you for everything anymore, and i’m not blaming myself as
well, but you know me better than everybody Grace, my heart loves you,. and
its weak to love again. your head got big Grace. I still don’t fuckin know,
how the hell you live your life right now knowing you let someone who loves
you and would do anything for you go. but enough is enough, i’ll rather
forget about you now, than stay hurt and hope that you will love or care for
me again..

i told you so many times, when we were together, that IN MY FUCKIN WHOLE LIFE
knew I choosed you, u FUCKIN SLUT, u made me believe u would stay and u were
the one. WELL FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU FUCK You, YOU LIED, pinaasa mo ako, your
wrong, your the biggest loser i know, BACK stabber, wipe that fuckin smile
off your face, i swear to you that i will leave you alone now, For Fuckin
ever, you can stick you and 253 7813 where the sun don’t shine up your fuckin
shaved vagina. cuz i don’t want that shit anymore.
and i’m not calling your stupid ass no more. why should i call you anyways,
what so i have to hear that big ass mouth of yours have pms over and over
again, i hate you, i swear to god i will hate you my whole life now. don’t
even fuckin look at me, if u see me. u want your life back huh, i never took
that shit in the first place. you can have your life back, but know this, you
can live the rest of your life, knowing somebody named J to double P, hating
you and hating you and hating you. u see i use to think that your higher than
an angel but now, i think your lower than shit. u don’t deserve to be
loved… Go run back to your crackhead boyfriend in the phills, have a 3 some
with him and his other slutty girlfriend there… oh yeah if you wanna show
your mom this email again, like u made her talk to me, this morning. guess
what, Mrs Gloria Mackey, i will gladly leave your slutty daughter alone now,
and i’m not young i’m almost 21, i’ll be chillen in bars and clubs soon,
unlike Miss 17 year old there, your fuckin daughter is lower than shit, i know u don’t really care about your daugters personal life, but she
smokes Malboro menthols all the time. haha, and she should be ashamed that
she lied to my parents about everything about her. also all those times that
she lied to you and said she was gonna to work or study, she went out with me
instead, and stayed at my house till like 2 am, u should be taking care of
that girl, after all even though shes 23, shes the most uncaring, person, in
the world, she does not give a fuck, no she doesn’t, shes so careless and
ignorant about herself, she only listens to herself and nobody else, i bet
she lies to you more than she lied to me.. palayasin nyo na yan garbage na
yan….. I love this email so much, that i’m even lettin my parents read

So this is what I ask of all my fans
If you ever see grace, whoop her ass, hit her with sticks, bricks, rocks,
throw shit at her, Kick her, spit on her, treat her like a hoe, bitch-slap
Do it for me, do it for Fred, do it for Limp bizkit
Do it for Ate Liz, do it for Nino, do it for her mom
Do it for Atong, do it for my family, do it just to do it, fuck it
sHe’s a bitch, she ain’t gon’ hit you back, she’s nothin!

Fuck her, that’s it, i’m done, i promise, i’m done, that’s it, I’m sorry, I’m
sorry, i’m sorry, i promise
I just believe in kickin in somebody while they don’t do shit back, God damn!
I quit.. ilibing nang buhay, ang lahat ng social …..

Don’t ever say, i’m a kiss and tell again, cuz you don’t have the right no
and don’t call me, echo, laz or anybody in the kooL Catz or the flipz,
kissin our ass, cyin like a little baby…fuck you, u never cared about
anybody, all u care about is how good u look, and how people thinks about


aaaaaaahaha, i may be evil and immature now, but fuck it, i’ll rather be that
than to be sad and pretending i’m trying to get stronger… thankz for fuckin
Eminem, for the influence.

i think i’m finally through with you,
I’m just daring you to say sumthin back

one more thing i ain’t regreting none of this shiet..

I’m Outz, i’ll see you all later in life…………..

i found one blog of this guy and here is what he tells about me 3 years later after our break up…

Exactly 3 years to this very day. May 28th 2001 as i remember there was a person who likes to call herself Nixine back those days, i was rolling with that girl 24/7 none stop, well thats the first ever person who met me. there’s a part of that person that made me the happiest sweetest person in the world. people would come up to me and tell me “damn, that girl is the best thing that ever happaned to you”. But it was also that person who brought the other side of me in this world. i never felt anger and depression my whole life since that time. never once since then that i didn’t get what i wanted. as much as i wanted it to that side of me that person saw first never left me at all. These days &5$ needs to avoid being near that girl but &^%H&&^T& really hates that girl more than anybody always did always will,.. now she goes by the nickname Nixinne with the double n, oh well maybe she has her own issues like mines but who knows. difinitely not me.


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