Current mood: contemplative
after several failed relationships, i learned to prioritize my own well being before i think of somebody else’s wanta and needs. it helped me become an independent person. a person that can stand up on her own and is mature enough to analyze things and situations that comes in my way.
love is a broad term for an emotion felt for another person. it depends on a lot of variables in life. its not just physical attraction or amazing sex. it is neither the compatibilities or similarities in tradition and culture. love is never selfish nor impatient. love likes to give and not to take, love is an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be with someone.
in short, love is very degrading. i guess that is the reason why proud people never get to see the happily ever after. they mostly say, i was happy with that relationship until the end of it or i am happy being by myself.
its not wrong to be independent and its definitely not wrong to be in love. having both is great but as like any other situation in life that involves interaction to fellow humans, compromises are to be made to ensure a healthy relationship.
i have loved and lost but now i am in love again. as like everybody else, i have to make compromises to ensure that my relationship doesnt fizzle just because of made up anniversaries. it seems like i am trying to cover up somebody’s lack of holiday awareness but i guess i am just protecting myself from being hurt with a menial situation such as this. i guess i am the type of person who tries to look at the broader picture and not just the small imperfections.
in retrospect to the start of all this spillage, many guys misunderstand what the meaning of anniversaries to women. i do believe that many independent woman like me doesnt care for the material gift that many guys assume makes a woman happy in this awkward day. i dont even care for partying or dining out. the mere presence of the person and the acknowledgement that he is happy to have met me in this made up holiday is enough. the presence and the hug was present i can give you that but when you look me in the eye and go on with your usual routine without any acknowledgement of the aforementioned event, it takes away all the excitement. i admit, it is very shallow but it is one of those things that guys have to put up with women. it is a once a year event. one sentence is enough to make the day a hell a lot better. and then we can go on with our usual routine again.
it makes me think what is right and what is wrong. it is a tradition and yet our relationship is not traditional in any way. but somehow i like to be acknowledged verbally as a special person (like special fred) even though i know subconsciously that i am being loved and is beign treated special everyday. damn, now it sounds like it is my fault…oh well…i guess i am done talking coz i am losing my own battle…ha ha ha! schizophrenic ideations!