bunch of nonsense

i think, therefore I am (an RN)

the secret garden Abril 25, 2006

Filed under: english alphabet,hobbies in my mind — nixinne @ 7:33 umaga

ok, ok its probably not a secret at all but it creates a mystery on my title right? thats what i did all day today. plant those beautiful spring and summer flowers with some hostas and herb plants.

my herb garden consists of a rosemary, lavender, mint and basil. they all smells really good but they are still a small bunch beside the waterfall. the big space infront of the waterfall consists of some crawling bushes. i did add some annuals in there so it wont grow bigger than the waterfalls itself and i planted the lilies on either side of it ot make a nice entry look.

ill add some pictures when i get the time…


tondo girl Abril 20, 2006

Filed under: english alphabet,my immortal life,onli pinoy ken rid dis — nixinne @ 9:52 umaga

Current mood: sleepy

539 P. Herrera St. Tondo, Manila

yep, i am a certified tondo girl…beware or “lalagyan kita ng butas sa tagiliran”

as i recall, that was my address since i dont know when till i was about 12 years old. after being in touch with edna gonzales ( her married name as i dont remember her maiden name ), my childhood barkada, i recollected memories of my childhood life playing on the streets of bilbao, p. herrera and carmen planas.

i remember marie jane simangan (jane) , maria lourdes (malou), carlota (liit), edna gonzales (edna), tina (tina), ervin gonzales (ervin), michael calimag (michael), jason go (jason), gilbert chan (gilbert), levi (levi), janet (janet), and gemmalyn (gigi).

there are many others that edna was telling me about but i wasnt as close as these people in the list.

jane has the most beautiful exotic eyes as far as i can remember. she has this gorgeous curly hair and olive skin. but even with all these characteristics, she acts tomboyish and usualy acts like one of the boys. if i remember correctly, as told by friends to me before, she got interested and tried acting like a girl when gilbert took interest on her. edna jokingly told me on our recent conversations that it was partly my fault why jane got stuck on becoming a full pledged lesbian. then i remembered that gilbert was one of my childhood crushes only because he sent me a note that he like me! later on, he told me that he got turned off by jane’s behaviour (or was that malou who told me that?). kids were kids, and soon we all started to hang out again as if nothing has changed.

malou was our chubby girl with a cute chubby face when we were kids. she can get too loud at times too. although shes overweight as a kid, she was a good football player with a very good kick. i remember her being very talkative and happy all the time altough there are times that we talk about my mean sister that makes her feel more poor than she ever was.

liit was a small kid with a cute smile whenever she actually flashes it. i am not sure if she was the one who concocted our secret language before. able baker cheers dear ever forever gracious humble iten joker king liberty moment never over peter queen remember sweet true under v walker xray yankee zebra. ooops, i guess the language isnt a secret anymore…

more to come…


tick..tock…tick…tock… Abril 18, 2006

Filed under: english alphabet,my immortal life — nixinne @ 11:06 umaga

gosh…its april 18…

less than one month and ill be kissing the philippine soil. ill be able to hug my son and my dad. ill be able to see old friends. ill be able to eat authentic filipino food. ill be able to walk on the dirty streets of manila. ill be able to swim on the ocean without freezing. ill be able to talk in my own language all the time. ill be able to see the beautiful sceneries. ill be able to smell smokey mountain. ill be able to joke around with my family. ill be able to eat balut, isaw, taho and lugaw. ill be able to play with the kids. ill be able to dance and act like a nutso anytime without thinking if i am bothering the neighbors. ill be able to sleep on the floor or rather not sleep at all coz its too freakin hot there. ill be able to shower 3 times a day since its going to be humid all the time. ill be able to see all the smiling faces of everybody i love and hate.

i cannot wait. im so excited. i cant even sleep at night although i really dont sleep at night since i work night shifts. i cant think of anything else but the slow ticking of the clock. tick tock tick tock….damn! is it may 14 yet????

i watched fun with dicka nd jane last night and it wasnt as fun as i thought it would be. i had a a few laughs but eh…just a few…


getting used to knoxville Abril 15, 2006

Filed under: english alphabet,food for the thought,my immortal life — nixinne @ 4:54 umaga

Current mood: awake

i have always been looking forward to working in another place after knoxville. i always said in the past that i am bored and that there is nothing in here and that people are dumb, etc. but the truth of the matter is that i am just not used to this new surroundings.

this isnt a big city that i am used to but it has its own beauty and positive attributes. market square has been very good for hanging out on beautiful days since the bars and restaurants offer and open area where people can eat and enjoy the outdoor weather. old city and the college strip offers variety in music and fun. comedy shows, music jams, celebrity bartenders, outdoor movies, (almost) broadway shows, greenways, trails, cheesy vacation houses, beer festivals, wine festivals, camping sites, and other activities that i have not explored yet are available to enjoy. although they are small town activities with small town participants, it can be fun in a way.

its scary to admit that i am getting accustomed to being here in knoxville. i guess it just grows on you when you stay on one place too long. my co-workers are awesome and fun. even my patients are very appreciative with all our hardwork. i got a good group of friends to go out with, a backyard with a nice view and most of all, ive got here friends that call themselves my family.

but, as free-spirited as i am, i cannot let this ruin my chances to explore what it is outside knoxville. although i am beginning to get accustomed to all the things that is fun here in knoxville, i still have other things to do and accomplish.

i will always come back and experience knoxville fun with all the friends that i made here…memories will be saved in my databank and will be reminisced when i am long gone from this area that became my home for the last 9 months


family matters…and its pissing me off Abril 13, 2006

Filed under: english alphabet,my immortal life,tear jerker — nixinne @ 7:43 umaga

Current mood: aggravated

i talked to my dad for the first time again in six months. i may have been avoiding the inevitable so i could get away from all the bad news that i would hear esoecially that i cannot do anything about it. i guess i was afraid of the responsibilities that accompanies the conversation.

but, i need to hear it and i need to do something about it. financially, i may lack the ability to give them assistance at the moment but the emotional support that i can give my dad so he can live peacefully rather than disturbingly because of my greedy half sister may at least ease the burden of his mind.

i hate to hear my dad cry and tell me that all his other children abandoned him and i was the only one he can turn to. he wasnt asking for financial support although that is what he needed the most at this time so he can keep taking his medications. the high life that he was used to was taken from him by stroke, a deadly disease that almost took his life away but is now eating his very existence slowly. an independent person such as him made it harder to accept the fact that he is now mostly dependent on others with a lot of things. his mighty personality was being humbled by weakness and inability to care fro himself. he had a temper that nobody can get through but me but since i am not there to neutralize his temperment, he became grumpier and meaner and to top it all, the disease makes him more vulnerable to his temper attacks. he may not have been the best father but i know for sure that he provided them well enough so they can be where they are right now.

i dont understand why his other children will do such a thing to him. take his money and leave him to poverty. i wish i could do something to get back at them. or to at least give my dad what he owns and not what he deserves. he has been a very good dad to me. he mght have few shortcomings as a father but he still is my father. when i get back to the philippines, i will make sure that i try and take care of him even for a short amount of time that i will be there then ill try to help him as much as i can while i am here in the USA.


i may have been wrong Abril 12, 2006

Filed under: english alphabet,my immortal life — nixinne @ 4:18 umaga

Current mood: happy

i hate to admit that i was wrong about being in a bad mood the other day. it may have been just because i was tired from work and needing attention or i just didnt wait enough for the day to progress before i started making wrong judgements.

men can be surprising at times. their minds are like a box of chocolates, you never know what youre gonna get.

and they can be as sweet as chocolates too. i have to redeem myself from being a complete bitch, but i cannot cause i was proved wrong.

i had to work on the 10th but i got to do treasure hunting. mike apparently arranged a treasure hunt for me by using a lot of details of our first night together.

1. he made me read our first online conversation that he saved on his computer at the time we actually spoke to each other on our first date and i found out that there are some hidden clues there to were i should find the next clue.

2. i found the next clue telling me to call my voicemail ont he exact time i called him from my cellphone (attached with the clue was the log of my first phone call from his phone bill)

3. voicemail told me to search for a paper on samantha. i found it behind the drivers seat. the picture contains the pcture of new york grand central station where we first met but with another clue hidden on it. the clue was the dodge logo cleverly hidden on the picture which is the make of his van,

4. so i searched the van a found 2 maps. the first map reveals the route we took to go to the restaurant where we ate on our first date in soho. the second one revealed the exact same route but in knoxville.

5. amazingly enough, the name of the first restaurant we went to was the same as the one here in knoxville. isnt that amazing?

6. and last but not the least, his apartment in new york has a view of midtown manhattan and he made sure that i saw the same perspective here in knoxville. he does not have an apartment in downtown knoxville but he rented one of the rooms at the top floor of hilton so i can see the same view in manhattan minus the towering buildings.

needless to say, i was speechless. i was just too grateful and ashamed for my previous behavior all at the same time. i shouldnt have doubted him. and i deeply apologized for what i have said and doen the previous day.

thanks mike for the most wonderful evening i ever had. it was very memorable and touching. i love you more than ever and i promise not to doubt you again…


a broader look of the situation Abril 10, 2006

Filed under: english alphabet,food for the thought,my immortal life — nixinne @ 5:28 hapon

Current mood: contemplative

after several failed relationships, i learned to prioritize my own well being before i think of somebody else’s wanta and needs. it helped me become an independent person. a person that can stand up on her own and is mature enough to analyze things and situations that comes in my way.

love is a broad term for an emotion felt for another person. it depends on a lot of variables in life. its not just physical attraction or amazing sex. it is neither the compatibilities or similarities in tradition and culture. love is never selfish nor impatient. love likes to give and not to take, love is an overwhelming feeling of wanting to be with someone.

in short, love is very degrading. i guess that is the reason why proud people never get to see the happily ever after. they mostly say, i was happy with that relationship until the end of it or i am happy being by myself.

its not wrong to be independent and its definitely not wrong to be in love. having both is great but as like any other situation in life that involves interaction to fellow humans, compromises are to be made to ensure a healthy relationship.

i have loved and lost but now i am in love again. as like everybody else, i have to make compromises to ensure that my relationship doesnt fizzle just because of made up anniversaries. it seems like i am trying to cover up somebody’s lack of holiday awareness but i guess i am just protecting myself from being hurt with a menial situation such as this. i guess i am the type of person who tries to look at the broader picture and not just the small imperfections.

in retrospect to the start of all this spillage, many guys misunderstand what the meaning of anniversaries to women. i do believe that many independent woman like me doesnt care for the material gift that many guys assume makes a woman happy in this awkward day. i dont even care for partying or dining out. the mere presence of the person and the acknowledgement that he is happy to have met me in this made up holiday is enough. the presence and the hug was present i can give you that but when you look me in the eye and go on with your usual routine without any acknowledgement of the aforementioned event, it takes away all the excitement. i admit, it is very shallow but it is one of those things that guys have to put up with women. it is a once a year event. one sentence is enough to make the day a hell a lot better. and then we can go on with our usual routine again.

it makes me think what is right and what is wrong. it is a tradition and yet our relationship is not traditional in any way. but somehow i like to be acknowledged verbally as a special person (like special fred) even though i know subconsciously that i am being loved and is beign treated special everyday. damn, now it sounds like it is my fault…oh well…i guess i am done talking coz i am losing my own battle…ha ha ha! schizophrenic ideations!